Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
