if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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