someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
