mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize