We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
