After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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