To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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