its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
