he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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