My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Green mimosas i think yes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
