You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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