His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
