Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
