I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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