you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
