just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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