Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
