Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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