I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
