Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
