dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
