this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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