I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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