hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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