I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
