just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
