We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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