nut hugger
So drunk its hurt
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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