He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
