Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He? As in you personified your dick?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
