Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
