just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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