Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
