That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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