if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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