How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
