Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
