i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
