ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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