He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He did a backflip because drugs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
