Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
