I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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