i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
