how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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