: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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