Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
nutella sex= disaster
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
