Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
