so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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