Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize