I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
