it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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