You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
