well I can't set my house on fire every night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
