I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
