non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
