You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
