Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
