I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
