I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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