Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
