I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
