I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
