You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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