I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
