It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
