I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
