He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
