I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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