im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
