i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Someone signed my nipple.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
