Christians are straight up FREAKS
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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