I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize