he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize