If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
