after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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