I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
