I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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