Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
