o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize