Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
