i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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