i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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