I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
