I am midnight drunk by noon
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
