no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
