I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
