your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize